fetish

Problems with sexual identity or personal confidence, particularly during childhood or puberty, can lead to the development of fetish. While often portrayed as a perversion, fetish is in fact a normal human response to a given set of circumstances. This is why fetishes arise so often that they become stereotypical. The vision of the dominant woman in black leather, wielding a whip and in high heel thigh boots didn’t come about because a few people suffered some unusual perversion: it came about because lots of men had the same problem with their expected dominant role in sex. They want to take a submissive role and so need a reason for the woman, often physically smaller and weaker, to be dominant. Hence the aggressive and often sinister dress, the high boots and the ‘weapons’.

For some, fetish features so early in their lives that there has to be a possibility that it is latent, almost a form of sexuality in itself, rather than a reaction to external circumstance. Or maybe some are more pre-disposed to it than others, and it will show very early on. But happen it does, and it is not easily dispelled. Many embrace it and enjoy a lifestyle based around it. For those who do not or cannot embrace it, fetish can start to invade life as the unrequited fantasies become more and more insistent. If they affect a person in a 'vanilla' relationship, or affect a single person with strict moral values who sees fetish as a sinful or moral weakness and consequently feels guilt, life can become intolerable. The fact that there clearly is a large and thriving fetish community doesn’t help. Those who want to join in but are held back long for it, while those that are outraged by it see a hedonistic world which adds to their outrage.

Fetish, therefore, can become a destructive force if not dealt with positively. For some, because it is there, real and no less curable than homosexuality, for example, it is best to embrace it and enjoy it. For others, because they have partners or perhaps sensitive jobs, it is best to try to alleviate the problems while not engaging in the fetish world. If you suffer from such issues, the chance to talk openly about it can help tremendously. I can help you through some of the confusion, can give you a better perspective on it, and take you along a path of either embrace or alleviation.